Shortly after starting my psychotherapy practice I committed a sin. When I told my client that I'd be away for a week he asked me where I was going. I said "Key West". This may not seem like an earth-shattering event but, believe me, it was. I was trained in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy and this veering away from being the" blank screen" was a huge no-no.
I thought back to my own training therapy sessions, many of which consisted of my therapist nodding out, and remembered her response when I'd asked the same question. It was, and I quote: "How does my going away make you feel?" I didn't have the nerve to tell her but you can probably imagine what my answer would have been.
My self-disclosure felt right - not just to my client but to me as well. I
believed that giving a client that kind of information when asked, made me,
the therapist, less distant, more human. It eliminated the hierarchy, so to
speak, which I felt would help rather than hurt the therapeutic
relationship. Besides, there isn't a law against this kind of
"transgression" and Freud, brilliant in many ways though he was, is dead.
Emboldened, I proceeded to commit other sins. I became more vocal,
interactive and engaged. I developed a style in which therapy sessions
centered around direct and useful dialogue and goal setting. In other
words less silence, head nodding and asking "How does that make you feel?".
Clients who have seen more traditional therapists in the past have remarked
that they find this approach to be more helpful and less frustrating.
It's a more collaborative and goal oriented method. Furthermore, while I
believe in the importance of uncovering the past I do not feel that it's
helpful to live there. Insight is invaluable but as a client once said: "Now
that I know what got me to this place what do I do?" Since we
can't repair the past I feel we should acknowledge it's impact and
move on from there so that the focus of the work lives in the present.
We all strive to be free of pain and behaviors that keep us from living
life in the best way possible. I have sucessfully used this interactive and
goal-oriented method for over 20 years with both gay & lesbian and
heterosexual couples as well as individuals.
For a free phone consultation contact me
Marianne Delon, ACSW
