Why should we consider Premarital Counseling?
The decision to marry, especially for those who have known each other a
short time, is often made in a whirlwind of euphoria which often
obscure the differences that can lead to unhappiness or a relationship which
ultimately fails.
Problems inevitably arise in even the best
relationships and will, when added to those present before the
marriage, adversely affect the relationship if not resolved.
Marriages
in which couples are unable to employ the conflict resolution
skills needed to work through their issues are most at risk.
Learning these skills is one of the secrets of a successful
marriage. Many couples marry without having explored and resolved
potential areas of conflict that will profoundly affect their lives
together.
What are those areas of conflict?
Differing views regarding
expectations of marriage, money management, the role of friends and
relatives, the setting of individual boundaries and a number of issues
relating to sex, to name a few. Even things as seemingly simple
as how to manage household chores can create resentment when couples
disagree. Unresolved issues result in repetitive fighting, anger,
distancing, withdrawal, and the withholding of sex leading, in some
cases, to the dissolution of the marriage.
In my experience providing gay & lesbian premarital counseling I have
identified these as the most common areas
where couples
differ:
Monogamy vs. Open Marriage
The condition under which either works is mutual consent. Too often one partner will agree to monogamy or an open marriage out of fear or because they're unaware of how the situation would affect them. Or, an open or monogamous relationship that existed before marriage can sometimes become unacceptable after marriage. Premarital counseling helps couples negotiate the aspects of either open marriage or monogamy.
Roles
Even today, many children emerge as adults with traditional gender roles
intact.
Difficulties may arise due to the composition of same sex couples.
While women traditionally seek emotional closeness and someimes avoid
confrontation, men are more apt to be competitive and less emotionally
expressive.
Premarital counseling for gay & lesbian couples is an effective
setting in which to explore and implement flexible gender roles.
Communication Style
Men and women have different communication styles. Women tend to be more
emotionally expressive while men are often less so.
Same sex couples face
the challenge that comes of these differing styles. The content and style of
the couple's communication should be less polarized in order to be
productive. When this isn't the case the result is repetitive
arguments someone feeling that they're not being
heard or an absence of positive action.
Premarital counseling
helps a couple learn productive communication skills.
For a free premarital counseling consultation please contact me
Marianne Delon, ACSW
212 696 0773
or
[email protected]
